If you or someone you know lives in the Houston Texas area, it’s inevitable that you’re dealing with a formidable opponent: Houston traffic. Houston traffic is a beast, and if you’re not careful you can end up drained, stressed, and on the verge of emotional bankruptcy.
Some of these tips below can not only be used as coping mechanisms, but also as ways to make the best of bad situations on the Houston roads so you can become a better person and so that you can defeat one of the most ugly monsters in the United States: Houston Traffic.
Take out five extra dependents
Car accidents and meaningless fender benders are too common in Houston TX. Taking out extra dependents will allow you to apply more of your hard earned cash towards paying your deductible every few months to get your car repaired.
Store lots of extra gasoline in your trunk
Traffic in Houston can and will at any given time hold you hostage in your vehicle. Maybe it’s another wreck, maybe it’s construction, or maybe it’s just a plain stupid reason. Whatever the case, make sure that when you’re sitting in your car unexpectedly for hours that you have extra gas stored in your vehicle. This way you won’t run out of gas sitting in traffic and need to pay to have your car towed.
Learn the 10 nicknames each freeway has
Every freeway in Houston Texas has so many names that even GPS systems get all the nicknames mixed up. You may think you know all the nicknames Houston freeways have, but you don’t.
Grand strategy: Helicopter pooling
Car pooling won’t cut it in Houston, and even though helicopters are expensive, if you and several of your friends or co-workers chip in, you just may be able to afford a chopper to take you across the city when you actually need to get somewhere. Think about it, no more 5 mile trips that take over 40 minutes and no more trips to the other side of the city that take over an hour.
Say 288 prayers each time you take the 288
The 288 is a dangerous highway and should be on America’s Most Wanted list. And yes, while your saying your 288 prayers make sure you say a prayer for the I45 and the 610 too.
Get a part time job to pay for toll roads
If you ever find yourself continually getting sucked into toll roads that you didn’t know existed, no problem. Just get a part time job to pay for the extra tolls and the fines associated with taking the toll roads without an eazytag.
Get a gym membership
You may have the nicest car in the world, but potholes don’t care how nice or how new your car is. There are so many potholes in the Houston streets that there is a high probability you’ll one day need some extra muscle available to push your car out of the pot holes.
Learn at least two foreign languages
You could be a native Houstonian, but one day you will get lost in this major U.S. city, and when you get lost you might find yourself in an area of town that doesn’t speak any English. Do yourself a favor and learn another language. Otherwise, you may never find your way back home.
Borrow 9 lives from a cat
Houston roads are more dangerous than a lot of dangerous things put together. There are always hidden dangers lurking beneath the surface of any commute in H-Town. Borrowing 9 lives from a cat is a key survival tactic you can use to extend your life span while mastering Houston traffic.
Learn ESP to send rude drivers subliminal messages
Have you ever wished that you could stop a rude driver dead in their tracks? You can…all you need to do is learn some ESP and you’ll be able to exert some control over the Houston streets in no time.
Study Houston road maps an hour a day
Let’s face it, Houston freeways will not allow you to go anywhere anytime soon, so the more knowledge you have of Houston’s back roads, the greater the likelihood you’ll be able to get to work, go out to eat, or go anywhere in a reasonable amount of time.
Store a fold up bicycle in your trunk if your running late
Sometimes Houston traffic is so bad that people on bike’s get to where they are going quicker than people wasting away in their cars. If you’re ever in this situation, just park your car somewhere, pull out the fold up bike, and enjoy what true transportation feels like as you arrive at your destination faster than if you drove.
Purchase tire insurance from Discount Tire
For some reason, there are an endless supply of nails scattered throughout Houston’s roads, so you will eventually get them stuck in your tires. Fear not, all you need to do is go to Discount Tire and purchase tire insurance. This way, each time you get another nail in your tire, they will repair it free of charge.
Beat rush hour by leaving work super late
Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to just get in your car, drive, and arrive at your destination? You can, all you need to do is wait until late in the night to drive home and the freeways will actually be available.
Take Yoga or Tai Chi classes
Yoga or Tai Chi will help keep your body and neck in alignment after hitting all of the bumps and pot holes on Houston’s streets (chiropractors are expensive).
If you take these steps to master houston traffic, you’ll have more money to pay for all of the extra expenses associated with Houston traffic, be more physically fit, will speak more languages, and will have developed priceless skills like ESP that equips you to send drivers subliminal messages on the fly. You’ll also be a more resourceful person too – not many people have nine lives and fold up bicycles in their trunk.
What’s your favorite coping mechanism for dealing with Houston traffic?
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